To Hear Samantha's Name

These are for a very special project for a group close to my heart.  Because it's far from where I live, I didn't join until recently maybe a month or two ago and I have been so grateful for the friendship and support I have found there.  My Healing Place is helping people at a time when they can barely go on with their lives.  This is very difficult work emotionally and physically.  Not to mention spiritually and intellectually!  They are having a luncheon in a few weeks- for more info go here.  I was so grateful to share these moments with my MIL and with the photographer.  I am so glad to have these pictures to honor Samantha.  Her scrapbook has meant a great deal to me. 
I often feel it was God who gave me that gift.  I went to a fundraiser with my mom only weeks after Samantha passed away.  There was a scrap-booking set which I wanted so much- my mom got it for me :).  The rest is history.  I knew as soon as I got it that it was for Samantha.  I had never really scrapped before so I didn't feel I knew what I was doing- but I needed something I could do for Samantha.  Something I could hold and touch and create.  I wanted to make something beautiful amid the horrific ugliness of my grief.  Everttime I went to buy paper or stickers there was a heaviness about it.  I wondered if the people at Hobby Lobby noticed I was crying.  At first I was looking for black paper.  Maybe white and gold for heaven and some little crosses.  But as I went along I found some beautiful kind of romantic paper.  This allowed me to be much more true to my hurt but also who she really was.  Her death did not define her life.  I was able to focus more on the special memories of the time I spent with her instead of saying goodbye.
This chance to add to my book and to capture where we are right now in honoring Samantha was such a gift to me.  I hope you can see how much we love her and miss her. And how this book has allowed me to share Samantha with my daughters.  They had such fun pointing out Mommy and Daddy and Sissy.  It was so therapeutic to create and so healing to look at. 
At my support group last night they asked a great question.  What did your loved one teach you?  I said "To be present for each moment"  Then she asked me "How?" Whew - what a question.  By her attentiveness and her bright eyes.  By her little cries and her nursing and her wiggling and her snuggling she gave me all these gifts and I wish I had been more present for each one.  As I write memories of her I am digging out those little treasures buried in the fog of NICU life.  But I want to make sure that I am present for all the moments I can of her sisters' lives because life is short.   Also, I am so glad to have people to share that with and to create moments like these pictures at My Healing Place.