Graduation
1 year ago
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Field of Flowers Day 2012
Field of Flowers Day
For our Family this is a special event. We get to take a photo where our whole family is there. It is always beautiful and peaceful. I am looking forward to it.
Two Years Ago
We had a wonderful weekend acknowledging our sweet baby girl.
My lovely family was so supportive as always. My sister and husband and daughter came in from out of town and my mom offered to make dinner for everyone.
I told my sister I would like to do something in Samantha's honor and she was thoughtful enough to call the NICU where Samantha and Hannah were born and ask them if there was something we could get for them.
So yesterday we went to Target and bought swing for the babies in the NICU. I used my label maker to create a label that said "In Loving Memory of Samantha Lily Johnson 1/31/10 - 3/12/10". I was so glad to be able to do that. Knowing that there is something there to honor her which they babies can use is a huge comfort to me.
Going to the hospital for me is like a trip back in time. The smells and the sights take me back to a time when I had two babies. A time when I was terrified and exhausted. I was running on fumes but so motivated by my sweet little babies. When I go the hospital a particularly familiar smell is the soap. Before entering the NICU there is a ritual of hand washing which is important because of the babies' vulnerability to germs. That smell brings back the excitement that soon I will be holding my babies. I was so close and yet so far. I would cry while I washed my hands because I missed them so much.
That place is a little bit like proof for my heart that she was real and the place where she lived is still there just as it was. There were two nurses there one whom had a familiar face and the other that I felt like I knew well. She was there when we came back to the hospital after Samantha died to talk to the doctor who was on call at the time she got sick and ask some questions to try to understand what happened as much as we could. That nurse was so sweet and compassionate. I will never forget how she cried with us. Many of them grieved with us at the funeral. They were the only ones who really knew her like we did. It was a huge comfort to see them there and to keep in touch with them on facebook.
It was cold and rainy yesterday just like the day we buried Samantha, several days after she died. Today parents and sister's family and my brother and his girlfriend joined my family at mass and came over for lunch. Then we all went to the cemetery together. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon, although muddy. The flowers are blooming, bluebonnets, and little yellow flowers all over. It's green and breezy and sunny sitting there gazing at my baby's headstone.
I got to share some memories with my family. And thank my brother in law for taking the trouble and pain to write down his memories of Samantha which he did a year ago. I feel so blessed.
Tomorrow my new blog layout will show up. I am looking forward to marking the second anniversary of her death with a beautiful tribute to a beautiful girl.
My lovely family was so supportive as always. My sister and husband and daughter came in from out of town and my mom offered to make dinner for everyone.
I told my sister I would like to do something in Samantha's honor and she was thoughtful enough to call the NICU where Samantha and Hannah were born and ask them if there was something we could get for them.
So yesterday we went to Target and bought swing for the babies in the NICU. I used my label maker to create a label that said "In Loving Memory of Samantha Lily Johnson 1/31/10 - 3/12/10". I was so glad to be able to do that. Knowing that there is something there to honor her which they babies can use is a huge comfort to me.
Going to the hospital for me is like a trip back in time. The smells and the sights take me back to a time when I had two babies. A time when I was terrified and exhausted. I was running on fumes but so motivated by my sweet little babies. When I go the hospital a particularly familiar smell is the soap. Before entering the NICU there is a ritual of hand washing which is important because of the babies' vulnerability to germs. That smell brings back the excitement that soon I will be holding my babies. I was so close and yet so far. I would cry while I washed my hands because I missed them so much.
That place is a little bit like proof for my heart that she was real and the place where she lived is still there just as it was. There were two nurses there one whom had a familiar face and the other that I felt like I knew well. She was there when we came back to the hospital after Samantha died to talk to the doctor who was on call at the time she got sick and ask some questions to try to understand what happened as much as we could. That nurse was so sweet and compassionate. I will never forget how she cried with us. Many of them grieved with us at the funeral. They were the only ones who really knew her like we did. It was a huge comfort to see them there and to keep in touch with them on facebook.
It was cold and rainy yesterday just like the day we buried Samantha, several days after she died. Today parents and sister's family and my brother and his girlfriend joined my family at mass and came over for lunch. Then we all went to the cemetery together. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon, although muddy. The flowers are blooming, bluebonnets, and little yellow flowers all over. It's green and breezy and sunny sitting there gazing at my baby's headstone.
I got to share some memories with my family. And thank my brother in law for taking the trouble and pain to write down his memories of Samantha which he did a year ago. I feel so blessed.
Tomorrow my new blog layout will show up. I am looking forward to marking the second anniversary of her death with a beautiful tribute to a beautiful girl.
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